Matrimony and Wedding Traditions of the Past

Christian marriage is the union of a baptized man and woman who freely enter into a loving covenant with each other in Christ. The self-giving love of bride and bridegroom is sealed and strengthened by the Lord; the married couple imitates, and in a way represents, Christ’s faithful love for His bride, the Church. Thus, husbands and wives become signs in and to the world, of God’s steadfast love for His people.

The steadfast and selfless love of husband and wife is beautifully expressed and symbolized in the Eastern tradition by the crowning of the newly married; the marriage ceremony itself is called the crowning.” The ceremony signals the establishment of a new “Kingdom” based on mutual love.

After the crowning of the bride and groom, the Common Cup of blessed wine is offered to them in commemoration of our Lord’s first miracle in converting the water into wine, but most especially, it is symbolic of the common life the couple have accepted denoting the mutual sharing of joy and sorrow, the token of a life of harmony. The words commonly used in civil ceremonies, “Do you take this man or this woman, for better, for worse, for richer, or poorer, in health or in sickness, until death do you part” are not heard in the Eastern ceremony. This is all symbolized in the Crowning and the drinking from the Common Cup.

In some Eastern Rite churches, the bridal party holding candles, is led by the priest with the incensory filled with incense, around the altar (or church) symbolic of the way of the cross and the crosses the newlyweds will encounter during their lifetime together.

In the Eastern Rite, women follow their husband’s rite.

In the old tradition, the marriage ceremony usually took place in the groom’s (a’rees) church. The bride (a’roos) and her parents were escorted by the groom and his parents to his village for the ceremony. Two attendants were all that were in the wedding party, the best man (sh’been) and the matron or maid of honor (sh’beeneh). The priest would meet the wedding party at the entrance of the church and lead them to the altar. As the couple left the church, the guests threw rice, money, almond candies, and raisins at them, implying prosperity and sweetness in their lives. On occasion the groom’s pastor would also officiate in the bride’s church in her village with her priest concelebrating.

The custom of trousseau and dowry varied from village to village. The groom paid for the wedding gown and much of the trousseau. However, in some instances, the bride made her own, as well as the white shirts the groom and best man were to wear for the wedding. It was her gift to them. Sometime the bride’s parent footed the bill for the trousseau and dowry, which was much like the hope chest of today’s bride. This all depended on the financial circumstances of her family. The gala festivities (sahra) began a week before the wedding (urse) at the home of the bride. Each day the tables were covered with tempting array of appetizers (mazza) and elaborate desserts, all made by the bride’s mother and relatives.

Singing and dancing to the beat of the Dirbakeh drum, the rhythm of the Oud, a string instrument, and a homemade wooden reed similar to a flute, the Mij-wiz, kept the party going all night. Guests took turns singing poetic ballads in honor of the future bride and groom, praising her beauty and extolling her virtues, and complementing him of his choice. When the singing was done by a woman, she usually ended it with “zlagheet”. This is an unusual soprano sound made by the throat, with tongue vibrating against the roof of the mouth. This is a distinctive form of expression that traces back through countless generations. It was done during happy occasions only.

The night before the wedding, the bride was dipilatored with shalgheen, bathed, henna applied to her hair, manicured and perfumed. All her personal needs were pampered by her young cousins and girl friends. Imagine the laughter and teasing.

On the bride’s wedding day, ladies from the groom’s family and her close relatives and friends gather at home to escort her to church. Her friends help her dress, her mother - in - law or the eldest in the crowd, the grandmother, slipped the dress over her head, but only her mother was allowed to place the veil on her head.

The wedding feast was always sponsored and paid for by the groom’s parents. The wedding reception was held at the home of the groom’s parents, with practically the whole village in attendance. The feasting, music and dancing began all over again. There was no end to the variety of exotic traditional cuisine that was served. In many homes the mother and relatives cooked for days and there were as many as ten courses served, as well as countless pastries and desserts. The pungent flavor of Turkish coffee was a satisfying finish to the meal. Arak, a liquor made from grapes and flavored with Anise, was the most common alcoholic beverage used.

Before the bride entered the groom’s home, her mother-in-law met her at the door with the incense and welcomed her into the family. Then she handed her a small piece of freshly kneaded dough (ajeen) and the groom lifted his bride to enable her to stick the dough on the molding above the front door of the house. This was a symbolic gesture for a happy fruitful life.

The honeymoon as we know it, did not exist in those days. Usually the bride was taken to her future home that the groom had built, purchased or rented. In some villages where circumstances were such that the newlyweds had to live with the groom’s family, the parents would stay with relatives to give the couple a few days of privacy.

The following Sunday was a special one for the newlyweds. It was the first time they attended the liturgy as husband and wife. The couple wore their best clothes, the new bride wearing a black suit which is a very formal color for the occasion. The newlyweds sat in the front pew of the church with family and friends behind them.

The couples first return visit (radit el ejer) to her parents home was a reason for another celebration. Family and friends would gather for another feast. It was customary for the mother to make a special dessert for this occasion called “Na-sha-wa-yeh. Some call it “M’hallabeeh”, a white milk pudding flavored with rose water, decorated with pine nuts (snoubar) and almond candies (M’lab-bas). It also was symbolic meaning “welcome home” (Ahlan was Shalan).

-- Article by Isabel Thomas, Cleveland Community, originally published in Cuisine of The Middle East, St. Elias Church Ladies Guild, Third Edition.